Week 18
Top of the Table
| Brixton Housing Association | 472 | FBI's XI Most Wanted | 472 | Real Madforit | 457 |
Bottom of the Table
| Who the hell is Smith? | 304 | The Bing Lee Boys | 302 | The Persian Army | 277 |
We are finally back from the holiday break and find that things are pretty much as before. Yalda has resumed her last place position, John is equally back down where he is most comfortable. Mike and Chun are still battling it out for first and Chi is still hanging around third spot. There are only a certain amount of ways to say that things are pretty much status quo status, so let's leave it for now.
Manager of the Week. Aaron - Dynamo Ferret Internationale
For his stunning performance in knocking Chun out of the cup and for rising four places from last to twelfth. Let's also hear it for Kwan who quietly picked up the highest total this week with 41, one higher than Aaron.
Aaron's prize, the bloodstained axe with which he killed the giant, is already his and hanging on his wall at home.
I can't be bothered with it, it was last week so fuck it.
An F.A. Cup week, so nothing doing.
Top of the Table
| You're Shit | 371 | FBI's Most Wanted XI | 371 | Brixton Housing Association | 364 |
Bottom of the Table
| Dynamo Ferret Internationale | 235 | Yorkeys Knob in Queensland | 234 | Who the hell is Smith? | 233 |
First thing to say is that Mike didn't get zero points last week. He has fallen away from the lead as we can see but points were awarded in any case, some, I don't know exactly how many. So well done Mike! Also a hearty congrats to David Lunt. Dave went top this week with the second best score of 35, leaping a magnificent four places. Astounding stuff, but his score only equals the second place score of Chun's and with positions 3-5 holding 364, 362 & 352 points respectively, the top slots are likely to be juggled many times in the upcoming weeks.
Martin in fifth place has 352 points, 19 points off the lead. Bal in seventh has 323, 48 points off the lead so a definite gap is opening up in the table.
Two gaps are opening up in actual fact. Nick, currently in ninth has 302 points whereas Nigel, who is just one place behind in tenth has 253, a difference of 49 points. From Nigel in tenth down to Bex in sixteenth place there is a gap of only 20 points. So positions 1-5 are tight, then it's 6-9 and finally a sad group from 10-16 who are floundering somewhat. Can anybody cross these gaps?
Well perhaps. One manager who deserves credit is Yalda. She has risen from sixteenth to twelfth spot in the last couple of weeks and shows continued signs of improvement (thank you Marc Overmars!). I myself have closed the gap on the leaders in the past few weeks by about forty points. My terrible start to the season has finally turned itself around and I plan to be breathing down Martin and Bal's neck just as soon as I can. We should also mention Bal, who himself has a great chance of getting across to the leaders and if Kwan can turn her once fine team around, then the fight should hot up considerably.
Not such fine performances elsewhere unfortunately. The Ultimate Tromb this week blew nobody away with their wispy lighty n' breezy performance. A measly 2 points for them, their worst performance yet which caused no happiness here in Sweden, you can trust me on that. Also, Sir Khan got just seven and drops three places to 15th. For a man who knows the game - ahem - so intimately, a terrible performance. That hot Aussie sun must be getting to him. Or is it, because our manager of the week this week is...
Manager of the Week. John - The Bing Lee Boys
A very, very large hand for John this week. Not only did he post the highest score at 37, he also left last place and even the bottom three, jumping four places to 12th.
The prize, a night out in Sydney on Shash, will be presented when Hell freezes over.
Top of the Table
| FBI's Most Wanted XI | 345 | Claret & Blue Tackle | 340 | Real Madforit | 336 |
Bottom of the Table
| Who the hell is Smith? | 213 | Dynamo Ferret Internationale | 212 | The Bing Lee Boys | 207 |
A change at the top this week, something which we haven't seen since this table was started eight weeks ago. Truth to tell, this may be down to Chi's uselessness than anything else. This week, the table was posted with only fifteen teams in it, the Brixton Housing Association had completely disappeared, giving everybody the impression that they were doing really well when in actual fact, Mike's collection of secretaries and social workers may very well still be rulin' the roost. As it stands though, with no score for his team this week I've had to assume that they made no points and have therefore fallen four places to fifth. Michael, you might wanna talk to Chi about this this.
On a more realistic note, let's not overlook Yalda who again this week has made some great improvement. She got 21 points which although not being huge moved her one place up the table and, for the first time ever, out of the bottom three. Congrats to her, but commiserations to Bex, who retakes the third from bottom position in place of the rejuvinated, er, Iranian-passport-holding-British-resident.
The ladies of the league have made some good progress of late, excepting perhaps Kwan who has dived three places to seventh from earlier in the season. Li has overtaken Nigel and Shasha and Yalda has overtaken John and the rapidly floundering Aaron.
Manager of the Week. Chun - FBI's Most Wanted XI
If in a somewhat controversial manner, the fact remains that Chun took the top spot this week marking the first change in leadership since this site was founded. Assuming that Michael's score wasn't/isn't higher, he also posted the highest score this week with 33. Chi also shot, tackled and saved his way to 33, but due to his having made another massive gaff with the table this week, we couldn't possibly present a double award really could we. Well done anyway Chi and keep up the, er, good work.
The prize this week is the chance to gloat at Mike the next time that you meet and for Mike to become irritated by Chi's blunder.
There was no Week 13 and I've no idea why. Interesting to note that there is a team in the Dutch first division called 'Den Bosch'.
Top of the Table
| Brixton Housing Association | 316 | FBI's Most Wanted XI | 313 | Claret & Blue Tackle | 312 |
Bottom of the Table
| The Persian Army | 195 | Dynamo Ferret Internationale | 192 | The Bing Lee Boys | 189 |
This has been an up and down week. In all truthfulness, it's another week that never got published as Chi sent me Weeks 12 & 14 together. But it's interesting to note a couple of things this week.
The top of the table has becme a very claustrophobic place, with only twelve points separating fifth and first place, and but four points separating third and first place. With Mike's little outfit clearly having enjoyed one too many office parties this week, they picked up a frankly appalling five points, giving all those behind them a chance to catch right on up, with they most eagerly did, taking 33, 33, 31, & 19 points respectively. Anything could happen next week with everybody being so close.
Let's not overlook the achievements of Shasha Khan this week. His sorry outfit picked up an quite astonishing score of zip, diddly, nada. Not one single, solitary point. He drops two places in the table, below Li.
Manager(s) of the Week. Chun, Martin, Yalda & Shasha - FBI's Most Wanted XI, Claret & Blue Tackle, The Persian Army & Yorkeys Knob in Queensland.
A number of our managers this week deserve recognition. The highest scoring ensembles were Chun's and Martin's, each picking up 33 points. Shasha deserves a mention for his fabulous score of 0 and as for Yalda, well, one Marc Overmars put three lovely goals away this week for the hapless Iranian (sorry, British resident), lifting her two places up and away from the bottom of the table. Hooray! Three cheers for everybody!
The prize, a date out with the most respectable Queen of Persia (sorry, Queen of New Cross) will be awarded to the other three gentlemen just as soon as she sees fit.
Top of the Table
| Brixton Housing Association | 311 | FBI's XI Most Wanted | 301 | Real Madforit | 285 |
Bottom of the Table
| Dynamo Ferret Internationale | 186 | The Bing Lee Boys | 179 | The Persian Army | 169 |
The week that Brixton take back what I'm sure that they feel is rightfully theirs, the premier position. The top three have actually had a less than inspiring week, they scored 16, 6 & 21 points respectively, not particularly impressive. The scores all around this week have been somewhat less than eye-opening, the top score was 27 from the Theydon Bouys (nice to see them doing well for once, eh?) That would have been the eighth highest last week. But, with Chi, Martin and David Lunt picking up 21, 17 & 18 points respectively this week, a chance to put pressure on the top teams has been if not grasped with both hands, at least loosely held with girlie wrists.
As captivating as the top spots are, this is a week in which we really should pay a little attention to those Down Under. There's been a lot of movement down there.
Those Down Under are no longer there. With Yalda only picking up 7 points this week, John took the opportunity to leap-frog his basement flatmate to a dizzying 15th place. Knowing the stern spirit of Miss Valizadeh though, I'll warrant that she will take this lying down (she does like to lie down alot if memory serves) but from that lying position she'll fight back strongly. 15th spot is hers Goddammit!
An a quick mention for the increasingly hapless Aaron. His troupe of weasels, stoats and Italian pole cats fell one place last week with 17 points and drop still further this week into 14th position with a frankly limp 7. Mrs Watts-Wong has finally left the bottom-of-the-table table, but for how long we wonder?
An extra special prize from our most honorable Chairman this week, a monthly points review. Here are the top four point scorers for November:
| Nick - Pant's Cat's People | 130 | Ricardo - "Wery Well, I shall Willease WALSHY!" | 127 | Michael - Brixton Housing Association | 106 | Chun - FBI'S XI Most Wanted | 103 |
Manager of the Week. Nigel - Theydon Bouys
In an uninspiring week, Nigel's score of 27 was the highest that we could muster between us. His endevours have lifted him but 3 points behind the Ultimate Tromb and another position up the table. Congratualtions Nigel.
The prize, an honorary rent check and a pint down at The Sultan, will be presented by Skey when he gets home from work.
Top of the Table
| FBI's XI Most Wanted | 295 | Brixton Housing Association | 295 | Real Madforit | 264 |
Bottom of the table
| Who the hell is Smith? | 172 | The Persian Army | 162 | The Bing Lee Boys | 157 |
We got Week 10 and Week 11 together this week, aren't we lucky. So above are the highlights of the table which never got published, Week 10.
As we already knew, Chun went top, if only for a very brief period, due to his higher weekly points tally.
Highest climb of the week was by one Bal. Still struggling on without the divine assistance of one Sen�r Redknapp, one Bal still managed to rise majestically two places to sixth with a suitably respectable score of 33.
Y'know everybody got good points during Week 10, the lowest score was 14 from Kwan and most of us were in the twenties, quite alot even in the thirties. But even amongst all this excellence, there was one truly outstanding result. One of us managed to fight his or her way over the 40 mark (44 to be precise) and that person was...
Manager of the Week. Ricardo - "Wery Well, I shall Willease WALSHY!"
Yeah, I know that I couldn't award myself this prize because modesty forbids it but... well f*ck it, nobody else had the number 4 at the beginning of his or her score this week, so the hell with it! I WON! I WON! I WON!
The award this week, having the below-mentioned tin of beans smeared across his person and carefully removed by Victoria Silvstedt, couldn't happen too soon.
Week 10
"There's going to be a delay in getting results to you until I can sort my computer out". The words of of our ever-ready most worshipful Chairman. In these days of techinological breakthroughs, it seems that the smallest technical hitch can upset all kinds of applecarts. In the case of the broken computer, one wonders quite why a pencil and paper isn't be good enough for those not-too-tough-really,-let's-face-it calculations like 35+17=52 which make up the Chairman's job.
We are, however, treated to some news whilst Chi struggles with the tricky plug-and-socket apparatus. Chun has taken the top spot this week. Both Michael and him have a score of 294, but Chun takes the premier position due to his higher weekly tally. So congrats to Chun and commiserations to those who rehouse folks down Brixton way. It's a close contest still though, made the more exciting by the Chairman's admission that his own team Real Madforit have fallen away somewhat from the leading two.
No other news at present, sorry. As soon as power is restored to the boardroom at FA headquarters, Hampton Court, we'll be able to see just how the rest of us are shaping up.
Top of the Table
| Brixton Housing Association | 264 | FBI's Most Wanted XI | 259 | Real Madforit | 249 |
Bottom of the table
| Who the hell is Smith? | 144 | The Persian Army | 137 | The Bing Lee Boys | 134 |
Well here is Week 9, finally and... we find that's it's no different than Week 6. Bottom three the same, top three the same. Interesting to note that John over took Yalda for a short while at the bottom of the table last week before falling behind her again. The thin air must have got to him.
There was a little waltzing undertaken in the mid-table in the last three weeks, but nothing to truly speak of.
Manager of the Week. Nick - Pant's Cat's People
Nothing too exciting happened this week, but Nick's ensemble of miners, choir singers and rugby players did the valleys proud this week, look-you boyo! Beating back all before them with their trusty leeks, they hacked a somewhat indifferent path back to the green, green grass of home by posting this week's highest core at 39 and this week biggest leap, two places up to seventh, even though close observation of the table shows that this is not possible, unless both Nick and Bal were in ninth place last week. Hey, I just post the info, I don't do the sums.
The prize, a feisty fresh young ewe, will be presented by Tom Jones in a darkened field just outside Merthyr Tydvil this coming weekend.
Week 9
Well, whilst Chi is still in Hong Kong (hey, nobody told me!) we have no Week 9 to entertain ourselves with. Well, some of you might, I am led to understand that Ms Cheng has a hold of the reins in the Chairman's absence, but our web server here in Sweden certainly hasn't been informed about anything actually happening. So, I've nothing to write about, no table to publish, nothing at all in fact. Let me tell y'all about the Swedish football season instead!
Everybody's favourite non-English club Hammerby! were in action for their last game of the season last week, at home against mid table Trelleborg. Hammerby! have been in the relegation zone of the Swedish top division, the Allsvenskan, all season long (they were only promoted last year).
But, shock of shocks, they took lowly Trelleborg apart with four goals without responce, one of which was possibly the goal of the season, saving their own ass in the process by securing the lowest possible position just above the relegation zone, sparking off a small pitch invasion and a small party afterwards here in Sodermalm. How does the song go? Hammerby! Hammerby! Hammerby!
Some not so happy news concerning another Swedish side, Assyriska. The Assyriskan team is made up almost entirely of immigrants, Swedish speaking residents, but immigrants nevertheless. They were in the play-off final for promotion to the Allsvenskan against Orebro. The week before the match, their stadium was set on fire by right-wing extremists and they lost the match itself 2-1. Not a good week for them and a sad news for Sweden in general this commentator would say.
AIK Solna were pipped to the title here in Sweden by one solitary point by Helsingbors. I haven't met anybody who cares yet. The last game of the Swedish season was played by AIK Solna, and they lost 2-3 to some foreign side from London. Now everybody hangs their boots up for the year and takes out their ice hockey skates instead. Can't say as I'm so excited about that.
Manager of the Week. Ricardo - "Wery Well, I shall Willease WALSHY!"
Seeing as nobody scored any points this week, and nobody else got married, I'm gonna award myself with the trophy this week. Because I'm the person who's running this website, I'll never be able to award myself the trophy during a normal week (ie; one with some points awarded) as modesty forbids it. So, I'm gonna give myself the award now, when there's no reason not to.
The prize this week, a tin of beans, will be presented by Victoria Silvstedt whenever she fancies it.
Unfortunately, due to Chi, there was no Week 8. It is now Week 9 and we are still awaiting the results from last week.
Manager(s) of the (previous two) Week(s). Becky - Who the hell is Smith & Chun - FBI's XI Most Wanted
Due once more to there being actually any results to celebrate this-last week, let's again celebrate something which stands outside of our footballing calendar, the happy union of two of our closest friends. In the week that they tied the knot, I, Ricardo Willease sent them... absolutely nothing, not even a card. There is a reason for this. It's financial and predictable and I won't bore you with it. But, due to my negligence, let me reitterate my congratulations and wish the happy couple the best years of their lives together, plus whatever else. It is the very least I can do, and I also like to thank Chi for allowing me the opportunity to do this for them by having done sweet f.a. himself this-last week.
The prize, a wonderful life together, will be presented by God every morning till death (or a messy divorce) do them part.
Unfortunatley, due to international stuff, there is no Week 7. So there's not much to say.
We do extend a warm welcome back to these fair shores to Mr Wong and to the girl who left as Miss Watts and returned as Mrs Wong. In a multi-million lira move, the two clubs were united and have been - ahem - 'training' together at a secluded camp in windy, rainy, hurricaney Florida for the past week. Both the Chairman and myself, and the rest of the table no doubt, would like to wish them the best in whatever the future brings them, which, judging on current form, would be runner-up and relegation respectively.
We do not, however, extend a welcome to the Fortune City invasion which occurred during this week. Grudgingly, we admit that it was going to happen one day soon anyway. So, it's time for us to welcome in our new advertising hordings which have appeared at the top of every page. Both the Chairman and myself hope that you can learn to live with them. Trouble is that they seem to have destroyed the background colour, something which I have no explanation for.
Manager of the (previous) Week. Shasha - Yorkeys Knob in Queensland
Senor Khan deserved a mention last week for his haul of forty-odd points, the highest of the week. He didn't get one because I considered it more amusing to award outstanding failure instead. But, in light of international stuff occurring during Week 7, the award for manager of the (previous) week goes to it's rightful recipient, Senor Khan, manager of Queensland's best (seeing as how Queensland only has two and one of those is currently being beaten by Yalda, not such an auspicious title methinks).
For his pains, Sir Khan has a question which he feels that y'all may be interested in. To wit;
Which 36 year old ex-Norwich & Tottenham player, with five caps for England, is now playing for Northern Spirit in NSL in Australia?
All answers to Shasha at [email protected]. The award for manager of the week, one cool Fosters tinnie, will be presented by Shane 'Auhhh, Top Bowlin Warney' Warne at some point, I reckon mate.
Top of the Table
| Brixton Housing Association | 205 | FBI's XI Most Wanted | 198 | Real Madforit | 191 |
Bottom of the Table
| Who the hell is Smith? | 98 | The Persian Army | 96 | The Bing Lee Boys | 89 |
We're starting at week number six, a little later in the season than perhaps we should. Considering that the league itself only started after around five weeks of the genuine season, this seems like no big problem, quite apt in fact.
So what happened in Week six? Well, not too much, the main movement was undertaken by Nigel's Theydon Bouys and my own Walshy's. The Bouy's picked up six points and I, or should I say we, got seven and both teams dropped four places to twelfth and eleventh respectively.
I can't speak for Nigel, but for myself this shouldn't have happened and I'm putting in a complaint. The only reason that I couldn't make a decent score this week was because I had to wait for Chi to post me the transfer sheet from the Telegraph before I could make my changes. I would have done them on the first of October if I could and I want my changes backdated to if not that date, then at least the eighth of October and Li asks for the same. It's only fair we feel. Chairman, we await your decision.
As for the rest of the table, well, the top three remained just that and nobody else made any spectacular moves. A quick word of mention to Kwan Cheng who moved up one place to fourth to put a little pressure on the fouler sex. It's a good job really, because Ohman, Watts and Valizadeh aren't contributing much to the fight.
Manager of the Week. John - The Bing Lee Boys
With nobody making any serious positive headway this week, the manager of the week award goes to a man who, against all the odds, remains at the bottom of the table beneath a managerless team who haven't even made any transfers yet and are 'managed' by a girlie! Such failure is above and beyond the call of duty we feel and demands serious concentration. For this noble act we bestow the honour of Manager of the Week, this week for the prize of one wooden spoon. Miss Yalda Valizadeh will present the award when she returns from her current shopping trip.